I’m not talking about leaving social media altogether—though that’s not an uncommon thought—but stepping away from those groups that sometimes turn your day upside down with negativity.
This week, I had that urge again. It’s not the first time, and I doubt it will be the last.
We all have those groups—with old school friends, former colleagues, or extended family members. These groups help us stay connected, share memories, and maintain relationships that might otherwise fade with time and distance. Many live thousands of miles apart, some even on different continents. These digital spaces feel like lifelines, allowing us to rekindle the camaraderie of old times.
But then, like an uninvited guest at a dinner party, politics creeps into the conversation.
When Conversations Turn Sour
You know how it goes: A few group members take adversarial positions, each passionately defending their distinct ideologies and beliefs, sometimes with aggression. Suddenly, the light-hearted banter or nostalgic reminiscing is replaced with heated debates that leave everyone uneasy.
The tension escalates quickly. Someone threatens to leave the group. Others chime in, either trying to mediate or, worse, fuelling the fire. The atmosphere becomes so charged that you can practically feel it through your phone screen.
It’s happened more times than I can count. Each time, I ask myself: Why haven’t I quit yet? Why do I subject myself to this when it’s clear these conversations will not end well?
Why Stay
For a few reasons—one primary and the rest secondary. The primary reason is that these unpleasant moments are not the norm. They surface a few times yearly, putting them in the exception category. Many good things come from being part of these groups, and a few stray examples that leave a distasteful feeling are a small price to pay.
Sometimes, you feel leaving may be disrespectful, so you don’t.
You think about the friends you’d lose touch with, the memories you’d miss out on, and the sense of community that would be gone. And you stay.
Sometimes, you feel you must leave, but then you can predict the following sequence of events. There will be considerable chatter in the group about why you left. A few will urge you to rejoin; they will text, call, and keep at it until you do so. After a point, you’ll return, feeling for the person making so much effort for you to come back.
If you ultimately have to come back, why leave in the first place?
A Few Leave for Good
Very few leave and do not return. This usually happens when they’ve upset or irritated most group members, feel insulted or slighted, or take the comments from others that led to the exit ‘personally’. These exits often lead to more drama, with lingering resentments and the inevitable gossip that follows.
It makes you think:
Why can’t we keep politics out of our social interactions? Why let others who haven’t signed up for it suffer because of your ideologies or beliefs?
This usually happens because those who bring politics or their beliefs into these groups feel strongly about them and don’t care about others. For them, the need to express their views overrides the discomfort it causes others. They see it as a matter of principle, something they can’t stay silent about, even if it means disturbing the peace of others.
But is it worth it?
How to Handle
How do we handle this? How do we maintain the camaraderie and connection without letting politics and divisive issues tear it apart?
One approach is to set some ground rules early on. If you’re starting a group or have some influence over an existing one, suggest that specific topics—like politics or religion—are off-limits. This isn’t about stifling free speech; it’s about preserving the group’s purpose: to stay connected, share memories, and support each other.
You may need to remind the group intermittently, especially when you spot the rule violated.
Another approach is to steer conversations back to safer, more inclusive topics when things heat up. It takes some diplomacy and a bit of tact, but it can help keep the peace.
Be mindful of how our words and actions affect others. Strong beliefs are okay, but there’s a time and place for everything. Maybe the group chat with your high school buddies isn’t the best place to debate the latest political scandal.
Think About It
Our social connections are precious. In a world that often feels divided and disconnected, these groups offer a rare opportunity to bridge the gap and stay in touch with people who’ve been part of our lives for years, even decades.
Let’s not waste that opportunity by allowing politics to creep in and sully the experience. After all, isn’t that what these groups are really about?
About Me
I am a thinker at all times. I see, I think. I hear, I think. I read, I think. Every weekend I write. I would love to know what you think.