It’s like being told a movie is terrible, but you feel something else when you finally watch it. It’s a phenomenon that happens all too often. And it can cloud how you see people, even before you’ve met them.
Trusting Your Gut Over Hearsay
We’re all susceptible to first impressions, but sometimes, those impressions aren’t our own. They’re borrowed. Inherited. Maybe even imposed.
It’s easy to let preconceived notions drive how we see others, especially when we’re venturing into the unknown—a new job, a fresh team, a different environment. But how often do those second-hand judgments truly reflect reality?
An Unexpected Collaboration
I once faced a situation that tested this very idea. Many years ago, I was on the brink of co-leading a team for a soon-to-launch project. I was excited and ready to embark on a new journey. But before I could even begin, the whispers started. “You won’t get along with your co-lead,” people told me. “It’s just a matter of time before you’ll be sidelined.” They were relentless.
I won’t lie: The remarks bothered me then.
Who wouldn’t be unnerved by such predictions, especially when you’re venturing into something new? But as unsettling as they were, I chose to form my own opinion.
Ultimately, I found nothing but respect and mutual regard in this partnership. We worked seamlessly for several years, dispelling every rumour that tried to come between us. If I had let those unsolicited opinions dictate my actions, I would have missed out on a collaborative experience built on trust and understanding.
When Team Members Stir the Pot
When two people lead a team, it’s not uncommon for some members to try to play one against the other. It’s a power play—a tactic to manipulate one leader to gain leverage over the other. However, those who engage in such behaviour often lack confidence in their own capabilities. They seek validation not through their work but through favouritism.
The root cause is always insecurity. The best way to deal with it is to shut it down early.
If you allow such politics to grow, it can become a tangled mess, affecting team morale and productivity. That said, we have all seen instances where this behaviour is not only tolerated but encouraged.
Why? Because sometimes managers themselves are insecure. And that’s when things get messy.
Judging for Yourself
It’s not just about co-leads and team members but about everyone you encounter. I’ve been told countless times about someone else’s so-called flaws or inefficiencies before meeting them myself.
One instance sticks out to me. When taking over a new team, I was briefed about a senior team member. The word was that he was lazy, non-contributing, and essentially a dead weight. But I decided to take the advice with a grain of salt.
I chose to gauge his abilities firsthand, offering him responsibilities that required focus, reliability, and trust. It wasn’t just any task; it was one where a single mistake could have cost him dearly.
He lived up to the challenge. I saw a glimmer of pride and self-worth return to his eyes—qualities that were buried under the weight of past mistakes and, perhaps, unkind labels.
Sure, there were issues in the past. He had his struggles, and they affected his performance. But circumstances change, and so do people. Often, when someone is underperforming, it’s not entirely their fault. It could be the environment, the team dynamics, or something else.
When Confidence Is Rebuilt Brick by Brick
It’s easy to label someone as “not good enough” and move on. What’s hard is giving them the chance to prove themselves again.
Rebuilding confidence is not a sudden change. It happens gradually, one experience at a time. Before handing over the big responsibilities, I let him handle smaller tasks, testing his mettle over several months. Only after a string of successes did I trust him with a critical project.
Yes, it’s risky. And I understand why some might not take the chance. One failure could spell trouble—not just for the individual but also for the person who placed their faith in them. It could shake your standing at work and expose you to scrutiny.
But then, when you see someone reclaim their confidence, rise to their potential, and rediscover their worth—it’s worth every ounce of risk.
Why You Should Form Your Own Opinions
The takeaway is simple: Trust your judgment.
When you're handed a new opportunity to meet someone or work with a person who comes with a backstory, don’t jump to conclusions. Give them a fair chance. Let them show you who they are—not who others say they are.
Forming your opinion requires patience, a willingness to let go of preconceived ideas, and an open mind. But it’s the only way to make real connections, build lasting relationships, and truly understand the world around you.
Next time you’re tempted to judge someone based on what you hear, remember that every person deserves a blank slate. Your experience with them may be completely different, perhaps even life-changing. Keep an open mind.
And remember: The world is full of narratives. The only one that truly matters is the one you create for yourself.
About Me
I am a thinker at all times. I see, I think. I hear, I think. I read, I think. Every weekend I write. I would love to know what you think.