“Some people think that having babies late in life either means you won’t have the energy to keep up with young kids or worse, you won’t be around for their major life events, like getting married or having their children,” says Dr. Patricia Salber. “But research finds this couldn’t be farther from the truth.”
The Early Worries
For the longest time, I held a different belief. My father was nearly 41 when I was born. At 14, when my uncle passed away, I began to worry. The significant age difference between my father and me instilled a fear that we might have less time together than my friends, whose fathers were younger.
That fear stayed with me for a long time. I began to worry so much that I felt I had to stop depending on him as soon as possible. I became the youngest in my friend circle to join the professional workforce, beginning to earn at the age of 21.
It remained in the back of my mind to be financially independent at the earliest. Dad had stopped working for a living a couple of years ago. So, in my mind, I was still late. But that’s the earliest one could hope if one had to complete a professional qualification post-college graduation.
The Loss and the Lesson
Dad checked out of this world 17 years later. Again, I was the first in my circle of friends to lose a parent. But I had lived this fear for almost 25 years.
Dad was six months short of 80 when he left us. My daughter, Sara, entered our lives three months before that date. I was 38 when she was born. Now, the same fear started weighing on my mind. I began to worry that my time with Sara wouldn’t be as much as children her age tend to get with their dads.
I couldn’t change that. But I did something else that would enhance the quality of time I spent with her. It was a conscious decision that I continued to practice more than a decade later.
A Conscious Decision
I decided we would maximise memories together.
In the daily grind of her school and my job, we don’t get to spend more than a few hours with each other. I’d try to make time for her during the weekends. However, Sara remains busy with extra classes or preparing for upcoming examinations the following week.
We only spent more time together during the holidays, so I decided to maximize our memory-making. This is a habit we have continued. I look forward to my time with her during vacations, while Sara looks forward to the vacation itself 🙂.
So, how do you maximise memories when time is limited?
Be Present
When you’re with your child, be truly present. This means putting away your phone, turning off the TV, and focusing entirely on them. Engage in activities they love, listen to their stories, and make them feel valued. Presence is the greatest gift you can give.
Create Traditions
Traditions provide a sense of continuity and belonging. Whether it’s a weekly movie night, a monthly hiking trip, or an annual vacation, traditions create lasting memories. It could be a small activity, but it’s your special time together.
Capture Moments
Sara at a Theme park
Photos and videos are powerful tools for preserving memories. My wife, Gargi, makes it a point to capture our special moments together. Whether it’s a family outing, a school event, or just a lazy Sunday at home, these snapshots are a visual diary of our journey together.
Looking back at these photos brings immense joy and a sense of fulfillment.
Back to how I began this piece.
Do you agree with Dr. Salber? Let me know in your comments.
I can’t say about the quantity of time, but I believe you can enhance the quality of time if you consciously decide.
Accepting that you may have less time with your child than you’d like can be difficult. But acceptance is the first step towards making the most of your time. By acknowledging this reality, you can focus on creating meaningful experiences rather than worrying about the inevitable.
Do you feel guilty for not being a younger parent? Do you worry that you won’t be able to keep up with your child or miss out on important milestones?
Let go of this guilt. Instead, focus on what you can offer — wisdom, stability, and a deep appreciation for the time you do have.
Embracing the Present
Living in the moment is a powerful way to combat fears about the future. When fully engaged in the present, you don’t dwell on what might happen; you enjoy what is happening. This shift in mindset can lead to greater happiness and a stronger bond with your child.
Late parenthood comes with unique challenges and immense joy. You’re likely more settled in your career, have more life experience, and have a clearer sense of what’s truly important. These factors can make you a more patient, understanding, and present parent.
The fear of not having enough time with your child is common among those who become parents later in life. However, focusing on creating quality memories can alleviate this fear. By being present, creating traditions, capturing moments, and embracing the present, you can maximise your time with your child.
So, if you find yourself in the same boat, remember this: It’s not about the quantity of time but the quality of time that truly matters. You have the power to create beautiful memories that will last a lifetime.
You can thank me later.
About Me
I am a thinker at all times. I see, I think. I hear, I think. I read, I think. Every weekend I write. I would love to know what you think.