But real life isn’t made up of only such people.
It has its share of the difficult ones, too. And if we’re honest, it’s just as important to talk about bad behaviour as it is to celebrate good conduct.
We’ve all met them. You know the type. Obnoxious, toxic, draining.
People you wouldn’t touch with a barge pole if you had a choice.
Sometimes work or circumstances force you to engage with them. But if you could avoid them altogether, you would. Without guilt and regret.
What fuels such behaviour? In my experience, it almost always comes down to two closely linked traits: insecurity and suspicion. They feed each other. Quietly, persistently and destructively.
Insecurity: Loud on the Outside, Hollow Within
Insecurity has a very distinctive sound. It often announces itself as an authority. People who are deeply insecure tend to over-assert.
They speak louder than required and remind you of their position, their access, their importance. Because somewhere inside, they know they don’t command respect naturally.
You’ll often notice them:
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dropping names to get work done
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invoking unseen authority (“so-and-so wants it this way”)
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demanding compliance instead of earning cooperation
Most people around them don’t bother verifying with the names invoked. It feels inconvenient or risky. But when you do cross-check, the truth usually surfaces.
And the bluff collapses.
Suspicion: Seeing Enemies Where None Exist
Suspicion is insecurity’s constant companion.
Suspicious people see conspiracies in everyday actions. A delayed response becomes a plot. A disagreement becomes betrayal.
They derive energy from distrust.
What they don’t realise and cannot accept is a simple truth: Most people are far too busy living their own lives to be plotting against yours. Dislike doesn’t equal conspiracy.
Just as disagreement doesn’t mean sabotage.
But when someone assigns themselves disproportionate importance, suspicion becomes inevitable. The world starts revolving around them, at least in their own head.
Why It Happens
Insecurity creates suspicion, and suspicion deepens insecurity.
Together, they form a closed loop that slowly isolates the person trapped inside it. Remove these two traits, and something interesting happens. People stop avoiding you and instead engage by choice, not compulsion.
Some may even begin to take an interest in you, but that requires letting go of something else.
Why Such People Rarely Change
You may wonder: If this is so obvious, why don’t they change?
Because insecurity and suspicion give them a sense of power. Letting go of these traits feels like surrendering control. And for many, that feels far more frightening than being disliked.
So they continue as they are.
A Gentle Mirror
If you see traces of yourself in any of this, pause and reflect.
No human being is inherently good or bad. We are shaped by attributes, attributes shape behaviour, and behaviour determines how the world experiences us. Change isn’t easy, but it is possible.
It’s one life, don’t live without trying.
About Me
I am a thinker at all times. I see, I think. I hear, I think. I read, I think. Every weekend I write. I would love to know what you think.